15 weeks, 4 days...

Yes, it’s been a busy week. I think I’d classify last night as my worst “pregnancy night” since I’ve been pregnant. (And yes I know there’s many, many more to come.) Of course it had to be my worst night leading up to month and quarter end when I’m required to work a 12+ hour day. I’ve been noticing that since Friday night I’ve been sleeping really light, like little noises wake me up and I’m just not in a deep sleep. Last night I was so exhausted I got into bed at 7:40. I couldn’t get comfortable and I was tossing and turning and couldn’t sleep. I also notice now that I get a slight fluttering in my belly, mainly when I’m lying down. I think it’s the baby moving. So the fluttering and not being able to get comfortable just contributed to my insomnia. I think I fell asleep a little before 9:30 and then woke up at 11 because I realized Jeff wasn’t in our room and I was worried he hadn’t made it home okay from Softball. So I got up, went pee, looked for him and he was home, so relieved I laid back down. Another hour of tossing, turning and fluttering happened before I finally fell asleep. Within 5 minutes of falling asleep Jeff came up the stairs to go to bed and woke me up. So I laid there again until 12:30 and finally exhausted and frustrated, I finally just broke down into tears. It’s so hard being so insanely tired but not being able to sleep. So Jeff told me he’d sleep downstairs and I went back up and tried to fall back to sleep again. I think I fell asleep just after 1 when Belle woke me up at 2:30. She was walking all over me, meowing, wandering around aimlessly and getting into things. So at 3 I fell back to sleep again, only to wake up at around 5:15. From there I was only able to dose in and out until the alarm went off. I have a pretty bad headache right now, mainly because I’m tired and I’m sure the lighting in this dreary place doesn’t help.

The fluttering. It started a couple of days ago. “Fluttering” is the best way to describe it because it’s like a spasm, but not so severe. Sometimes I also feel a hard spot or pressure on a specific side or low in my stomach when I stand up from sitting to long. I’m guessing that’s the baby? The fluttering seems to be the worst when I’m lying down. It doesn’t really seem to happen at work or when I’m standing. It’s a really, really bizarre feeling. It sometimes scares me and I panic like something might be wrong. I think I watch too many of those medical shows and I’m becoming super paranoid. You spend your entire first trimester hoping you don’t miscarry and then of course you still worry about that in your second, but now you start thinking about “is my baby going to be born healthy?” or “is my baby going to be born premature?” and all sorts of other questions. I try not to think about it because all it can do is drive you insane and make you think that every flutter is something bad.

My belly is weird. Some days it feels harder and some days it just feels like flab. I totally don’t get that. When does it harden completely so I can stop looking fat and start looking pregnant?

Looking at the registry list is completely overwhelming. Our house seemed so big to us at one time and as we look at baby stuff it all seems to be closing in fast. A bouncer, pack n play, activity mat, swing, jumper…where will all of this go in my tiny family room? Oh and a high chair! It’s going to completely take over our downstairs! It’s all so insane – I think the baby market does just as good in this economy as the wedding market. There’s plenty of crap you probably don’t need, but you buy anyways! At least I’m putting limited furniture in the nursery itself so some stuff can stay in there and just come downstairs as need be.

Breast feeding. So I’ve thought more about this recently and I think I’ve made a decision. So, if the baby takes to it and is being fed well I’ll probably do breast feeding for a couple of months and supplement with formula if our schedule doesn’t have time for pumping or feeding. I think I’ll wean the baby off of breast milk when it gets close to the time I’m going to go back to work and then I’ll put the baby on formula once I go back to work. I made this decision because I just don’t want to be pumping for 6 months to a year, twice a day (or more), at work. It’s way too awkward for me. I also made this decision because Jeff will be at home caring for the baby when I’m at work and it will just make it easier for him to feed the baby whenever and wherever. The WHEREVER thing is huge. Props to the women who are confident enough to whip it out in public and do their thing, but that’s not for me. Maybe I’ll feel different once the baby is here, but as of right now, I’m really about the grab and go convenience of formula. I don’t want to buy a bottle cooler and heater for my car, I don’t want to have to nurse in public and I don’t want to have to pump at work. It’s fine while I’m at home on maternity leave, but after then, I’m switching 100% over to formula. I was reading that most of the formulas now have DHA in them which is excellent. A lot of breast feeding mothers can be quite harsh on non-breast feeding mothers (which I think is ridiculous – to each her own) about the breast being the best because of brain development (and all sorts of other things that are really not proven). By adding DHA into the formula it’s giving the child an extra developmental boost that’s excellent for brain and eye development. I have total confidence in formula and I’m not worried at all. I was a formula child, my nephews both are and all of us turned out great!

Well that’s my topics for now. I have a 12 - 13 hour day ahead of me so who knows what else may come!