Crossing 2

It's a strange thing with children...crossing the 2-year-old mark.  Suddenly they seem to go from baby to toddler in seconds.  The transformation is huge for them as their language and social skills seem to blossom, but the transformation for a parent is pretty big too.

It's big for a parent because they're still young enough that you remember the long nights (and still have them from time to time), the shrieking baby-sounding cries (that still also happen but are fewer and further between), the times when you can still rock them because they still fit in your arms.  Crossing the 2-year-mark puts an end to most of these things and it's a transition I've been thinking a lot about.

In those newborn days you just feel like you're doing everything you can to survive.  With all of Olivia's reflux issues and eating problems I couldn't wait for it to be over and for our life to stabilize.  With Isabella, I appreciated every moment, despite the struggles of always having a sick baby and dealing with an impossible 3-year-old.  Every moment I've held her and rocked her and been by her side, I take in and appreciate.  But I also couldn't wait.  I couldn't wait until I could walk with her hand in hand, until her and her sister could play together, until there was less crying in the middle of the night, until she could feed herself, communicate with me, understand me, help me understand her.  Now, as we inch closer to 24 months, this is all happening.  I feel at an empass because we're about to leave the baby years behind, for good, and as exciting as it is to finally feel like a fully functioning family that is enjoying life more instead of just surviving it, I'm also deeply saddened.

Olivia was and still is a very busy, strong-willed, demanding child.  Because she was my first, we were in a constant state of motion and trying to keep her busy and challenged and the time really just passed us by.  We didn't really enjoy it.  With Isabella, she moves much slower, sits and enjoys things, can focus on them, is so much more happy with all that she has.  I feel like I don't get to enjoy her enough.  I often wonder how different life would be if she was my first.  I think about how I would have been able to slow down and enjoy her more since she is not as demanding as Olivia was.  It seems no matter how much time I spend with Isabella, I feel like it's never enough.  I feel like the days just keep ticking by faster and faster and she's getting bigger and bigger.

As we near two I leave what I can remember of her babyhood behind and even though I almost mourn that it's over, I often think about the next stage of our life.  Jeff finishing school and starting work full time, allowing us to have an income to do the things we've always wanted to do, for both the kids and for us.  Without a baby in tow it will be easier to take vacations, do fun things, do some work on the house together, snuggle in bed and watch a movie together, go to the beach, play at the park, go to the movies and just be a family.  Keeping an eye on our future is what makes it easier to leave those years in the past.