If My Second Was My First

I've been thinking about this topic for a while...if my second child was actually my first.  Would I have had another?  Would I have had more than two?  Would she have turned out different?  Would the original first turned out different being that she was the second and no longer spoiled rotten for 3 years previously...?

It's my opinion that Olivia has never been a normal baby or child.  We did not have the "normal" birth experience because she was 6 weeks early and spent her first week of life in the NICU.  She developed SEVERE infant GERD at 10 days old and lived with it (and on the meds) her first year of life.  From the day she was born she had a hard time eating and at one point had a feeding tube.  The day she came home she only ate 15-20cc of formula at a time.  She couldn't latch, she didn't fit into any of her clothes and she didn't even have her "newborn" pictures until she was 2.5 months old.  She never wanted to be in a swing, a carseat, swaddled, dressed, diapered or anything in the world touching her but us.  She couldn't sleep on her back because of her reflux so we ended up co-sleeping until she was old enough to semi-safely sleep on her tummy.

She was a very VERY demanding baby.  Very needy in every way.  She would never sit and play and explore on her own and when she did she was onto the next toy or book in about 3.5 seconds.  No amount of toys would ever keep her busy and she couldn't even sit through a whole episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse until she was 2.5 years old.  From the moment she realized there was more to life than sleeping, eating and pooping she was BUSY.  Never wanted to miss a moment, quitting naps pretty much by the time she was 2.5, always asking where are we going...she would actually cry when she realized we were going home from running errands because it was boring at home...she needed MORE.  She's VERY strong willed, very stubborn and very STRONG.

She will be 5 years old in less than 3 weeks and she is still this way.  Constantly craving something to do, always busy, always on the go and now that there's a sibling beside her competing for our attention, this has made all of the little nuances about her even more extreme.

Enter in Isabella.  Her birth experience was normal and quick despite a turbulent pregnancy.  She was born at 38 weeks, completely healthy and ready to eat my finger off from the minute she came out of the womb.  Her first meal was more than Olivia ate at 10 days old.  When she's hungry...girl is hungry...keep out of her way.

Isabella was hospitalized at 3 weeks old for what they thought was RSV and Pneumonia.  A spinal tap, several blood tests and a breathing tube later they basically just called it a bad cold.  She spent 6 days (a lucky number for us in the hospital apparently) in the Pediatric ward of Kaiser until she could breath better and her oxygen levels had returned.  Despite her being sick A LOT her first year (thanks to her older sister) and sick periodically well into her second, my experience as her mom has been more what I would call "normal."

Isabella will sit and play quietly with a toy for long periods of time.  She was able to watch "Frozen" all the way through well before 18 months and can watch whole TV shows without moving.  She is way more independent, is enjoyable to shop with (because she will actually stay in the stroller) and she is very easy going about going out or coming home...just rolls with the punches. Outside she always finds something to do, never requires constant entertainment.  She's happy just sitting with me and "talking" in our own way.  She loves her sister something fierce and her kitty, Belle, in which at 20 months she calls "Bewle."

I often think about what if Isabella was born first?  I see blogs and Facebook posts about all of these parents who think parenting is just super awesome and their kids seem like angels and I think "what did I miss out on with my first?"  I was too busy keeping Olivia so busy that I didn't enjoy any of her time as a baby.  I hated it.  And I hated it more when she became a toddler.  And now at almost 5 I just don't even know how I'm going to handle the teenage years because this girl is a force to be reckoned with.

If Isabella was born first would I have strolled hand-in-hand with her through stores and at the beach and actually enjoyed our days together?  Or as an only child would she have been just as strong-willed and busy as Liv?  Could I have had more time to enjoy the baby years instead of being in such a rush for her to grow up and get out of the crappy phase she was in?  Is their personality that innate in them that no matter who was born first, it would have turned out the same?

I also now see Olivia teaching Isabella things that Olivia didn't know until she started preschool.  Could I have had my sweet, loving Bella a little longer without her screaming "NO" and me dragging her down the hall just to get her diaper changed?  Is it her, is it her personality or is it her sister teaching her that?

I don't have an answer, I just wonder if things would be different.  If I had two children like Isabella would I have wanted a third?  Olivia was enough for us but I wanted two because I was the only child and I wanted to experience a more "normal" baby experience if it was at all possible.

It's really fascinating to me how certain things with us are there from the day we are born.  My kids both have things about them that still remind me of when they were babies.  I wish I could go back in time with each of them and spend a day with them without any other distractions and appreciate more how small they were and how simple life was.